Amnesia. Block-out

We found out in April that the apartment where we live is being sold. Since then, a hectic period has started. I don't like to move. Nobody does, I know. But for me, a beautiful house is something that... I never!

Stage 1: denial.

This is not real. It's not happening to us.

Stage 2: crying.

I can't believe this is happening to us.

Stage 3: solving.

Going to the banks. Asking for information regarding a "First Home Loan". Finding out that the original calculation generated at the front desk doesn't match the calculation from the analysis department. that the salary from the last year is not taken in consideration because it's smaller than the actual one and the growths higher than 20% seem artificial. Going to another bank. NO. Asking for another type of loan. NO. Informing the owner of the apartment that we are not able to buy it.

Stage 4: grieving.

I don't wanna move. I don't wanna start packing. We need to search another apartment for rent. Inform others. Finding out that they already know, though you hadn't had the time to tell them.

Stage 5. frustration.

Feeling as if someone took something that was rightfully yours. It wasn't our house but it felt the same way.

Stage 6. BLOCK-OUT.

My mind stopped. My mind went back in time, to a period when all these didn't exist. To July 2012, when we were preparing for our big event - the wedding. When we were searching for a church. When we had a home. When we had something that for us represented the ideal place. When I was trying out the dress and he was trying out the suit. Searching the shoes. Dreaming about the flowers. Creating the playlist. Preparing the handmade invitations. Amnesia somehow happened to me. As if my brain is trying to protect me from the things - considered evil - happening to me.

Stage 7. coming back. I don't know how it feels to come back yet. I'm still in the black-out :(.

I still miss my wedding dress. I still want back my apple bouquet. I still miss the day when I felt like a princess. I still miss the day when my happiness was unlimited and impossible to describe in words.

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